Mother's Day isn't for me

This is the second year I've had a child. The second year that I got any number of texts saying Happy Mother's Day, but for me it's just another day. That isn't to say I don't appreciate it or that I don't recognize that I'm a mom. Instead it's an opportunity for me to recognize all of the wonderful things my husband does for me all year long.

Yes, my husband gets me a gift on Mother's Day. Last year was an embarrassing display of beautiful roses. I'll readily admit that flowers are not my favorite gift, but I do love recieving them occassionally (even if they are only going to die within a week or so). He also included the perfect lines on the included card. It was fabulous and I loved it.
This year he got me my favorite body wash (Orange Ginger). He didn't just get me one of them. He got me three of them, and a fourth that is a new scent he thought I would like. And while he may have gotten four of them because he may end up using some of it, it's perfect.

Both of these gestures are great and I love both of them, but honestly those are just perks to me. The greatest gifts I recieve occur at random times. Sometimes it's Fielding doing the dishes, folding laundry, cleaning the bathroom, or bringing me things he knows I like. It honestly doesn't get better than that for me. I know he loves and appreciates me because of the little things he does for me.

So yeah, I don't know that I feel like a mom, but I do know that I'm loved and appreciated. I think that is the important thing for me.

Rants, ravings, and the madness of a mad woman

I've never been the type to keep a journal. Okay, so I tried once when I was a kid, but more often than not all of my writings ended up being an outlet for my frustration, angst, and anger (not the same as angst. I looked it up just to be sure). I'd also like to think that all of those feelings were something that was due to me being an adolescent, but that's not the case either. I still feel that way on occassion. And that is mostly where some of my problems lie.

I grew up in a family of 8 children and 2 parents. So 9 people total, not including myself. I remember sneaking my older sister's diary and reading it. I don't remember what any of it said, but I do remember it had a lock on it and had Toys R Us stickers on the inside (unless I'm making it all up).

Several years later, my mom gave each of us a Journal for us to write in. I went from writing in it almost daily, to weekly, to monthly, and even a few other posts years apart. I even still have it.

I gave up writing in a journal for a number of years until I decided to take it up again. It was different this time though. My grandfather had passed away and he was the one person I felt truly loved me. (I think all of my siblings felt this way though and I think that was a gift to each of us.) I felt so...everything. There were rarely moments of happiness though (or at least that I would ever make mention of). I took pen to paper and would tell my grandpa about all of the 'unfair', cruel things that were happening in my life.

This opportunity to get things down on paper was a gift for me. Most people had told me in lessons that a journal should be focused on all of the happy, positive things in my life and that by writing negative thoughts that was all you would dwell on. It wasn't though. I wrote down my thoughts and rarely revisited them. I continued writing to my grandpa for several years until I met a cute boy. Someone I could and did talk to. I couldn't tell him everything though. A) It would have probably terrified him and B) That would have embarrassed me far beyond anything else in my life. So I began writing him 'letters' about my day, thoughts, and anything else I wanted to say.

Writing helped me process some of the crazy thoughts that ran through my head or situations I encountered as a teenager. I was far too logical to act out or rebel in any way. Not because I didn't want to, but mostly because any act of revenge I could tie back to hurting me or potential opportunities. (Yup, fail as a teenager.)

I'm sure most of you (Yes, 'you' is all inclusive and imaginary in this sentence.) are wondering what any of the above paragraphs have to do with anything.
A) Blogging is an outlet for me.
B) Sometimes writing pen to paper is WAY better, but terrifies me. The things I write on paper are an outlet for my soul. They're not meant for anyone other than me. (So if you are the parent, sibling, spouse who stumbles on anyone's writings tred carefully and approach any topic discussed therein VERY carefully because the first reaction you'll likely get is a defensive outlashing.)
C) There are any number of frustrating, angsty, and angry things that still run around in my head. I think the only reason I don't write or blog about them is because I'm worried that my feelings and/or opinions will get out there and that others will use them to inflict damage to relationships and pain to individuals. Others will pick them up and hold them to them like a talisman to justify their actions and thoughts towards me or other individuals.

So yeah...I've got a number of crazy things that occur in my life. Crazier things that run around in my head. And I am the person trying to be the floodgate. Yes, I think too much. I feel too much. And I'm just trying to make a semblance of sense out of bits and pieces of it.

Write what you want...in a safe place. (Mine was a 3 subject notebook.)
Remember that most people are NOT trying to inflict pain. They just may not understand or may not know how to express their emotions in words.
And know that everyone else has their own madness they are trying to wrestle too.

Spring pics!

We did a mini session with Wendy G. Photography.

I was honestly surprised that Serenity kept the flower on her head through the entire shoot.

She wasn't sure what to think about having her picture taken at first.

She wasn't scared are upset, but I think she was confused by the flashing lights.

She's really big in to pointing right now. Apparently it's a big deal.

I read an article on it and it indicates when a child is interacting with their environment.

She loves pointing to birds, cats, outside, lights. Any number of things actually.

She was VERY happy about this chair. She liked that it was her size and that she got to sit in it.

Once she fell off the couch...twice and the bed once. We (I) decided that she needed to learn how to get down safely. She's a pro at it now. I keep thinking she'll flip around wrong or too quickly, but so far she's doing great. Now if she wasn't trying to apply this new knowledge to getting down stairs.

March mumblings

Okay, so I don't really have a whole lot to say that will cohesively put these pictures together.

Mostly, I thought I only had a handful of pictures of her after she turned one, but I was counting wrong.

hmmm...I guess I'll say that kids are crazy. They drive parents crazy, but you love them anyway.

Serenity is still crawling. I think she's decided it's MUCH faster than if she walked.

She doesn't really speak English. Instead she just yammers and points at things.

She eats like a champ. She LOVES food...except lettuce.

Outside of that, she's a crazy growing kid.

She loves all animals, especially the kitties.

She rages! Honestly, she tenses up her tiny fists and screams like the hulk. Maybe it's all the crazy that happens in her little world. I don't know. Sometimes it makes sense, but rarely.

She is a piggy. Yes, I say that in an endearing manner. She eats a TON!

Honestly, I think she eats as much as an adult.

She can eat two eggs, some oatmeal, and some milk in on sitting for breakfast.

Her favorite lunch meal is a WHOLE peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

And yes, she eats snacks and dinner in addition to all that.

She loves her bunny that Gma gave her for her birthday.

She FINALLY kept a headband on for a while.

 Happy St. Patricks Day!

And she's still sucking her thumb. *sigh* Maybe she'll grow out of it soon.



12 Months, 1 Year -Let her eat cake...or cookies.

We'll make this a post of pictures because they're worth a thousand words.

I took pictures a week before so I could A) get it done and B) have some pics for a book.

She got a cookie cake for her shoot because it was just easier overall.

 She was far more interested in the oreos over the GrandmaB cookie, but loved every one she ate.

Happy Birthday to Serenity!