Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Awareness

It's always interesting when trying to start any kind of conversation for me about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I know that the vast majority of people have heard the term though rarely do they actually understand the impact it has on those who suffer from it and those who care about someone with it. I know that I try to be very open about the topic because hiding from it isn't beneficial for me. I also know that thinking too seriously about it makes me want to cry. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I also know part of me is bothered by how 'tredy' it has become. -Yes, this is the ranting part.- It seems to be the new ADHD. Everyone seems to have it. Yet no one seems to need any help for it.

I recognize that some of my issues may, and probably are due to the fact that my husband was diagnosed with a severe case of late onset PTSD in 2008 though he'd had it before that. It was so severe that he was only getting a few hours of sleep each night, was unable to go anywhere for longer than a few hours, and was unable to complete some of the most menial household tasks. We were constantly blowing up at each other. (I wouldn't call it arguing because most of the time it was simply due to frustration on both our parts.) And yes, it was severe enough that we almost got divorced over it. -He moved out. I changed the locks. It was definitely serious.

Fielding was lucky enough to have some people who noticed the changes and recommended he talk to someone. He was diagnosed and referred to a therapist who specialized in PTSD. He then spent the better part of eighteen months attending sessions one to two times a month.

I would love to say that progressively over time he got better, but that would be a lie. In truth, therapy was difficult and trying. Each session he was expected to dig into his soul and face things (memories, feelings, and thoughts) that were much easier to try to avoid. It was also difficult because I was trying to receive assurance from Fielding that things were okay, but he was still trying to cope with the emotions from each session. Luckily, Fielding was willing to allow me to attend some sessions and his therapist helped us compromise on what would allow us both to feel 'okay'. And yes, after a LONG while things did start getting better. We talked more about what was going on, what each of us needed, and made plans to accomplish anything we faced.

That's not the end of the story though. His PTSD is not gone. I honestly don't think it will ever go away. And yes, there are days when it seems hopeless. Not the PTSD, but the stress and anxiety associated with it for both me and him. I feel like I have searched the Internet (literally several times though not the entirety of it) looking for some assistance. It doesn't seem to be available for a non-combat veteran though. Most of the literature or information is directed towards military families. I do not begrudge them those resources. It does make me want to cry out "what about the rest of us". There are SO many resources dedicated to recovery, long term assistance, and family support that it makes me feel hopeless for those who are not military. The average person who is simply trying to find some answers.

I think part of me hopes there are others out there with the same issues and possibly some answers.

The other part of me wants to throw my two cents out there for those who are wondering or would like more information. So here is what I know:

-Get help.
  This isn't something you OR they should face on their own. Therapy helps reduce the overall length of time someone suffers. Find a specialist. Someone who can provide the most effective and efficient help.
-Learn about PTSD, then learn about their PTSD.
  It's the simplest way to understand the 'why' behind the actions and possible options to help.
-Trust them.
  This is the hardest simple thing to do. Trust their feelings. You know who they were, but you need to learn who they are. Some people can make it through a trauma, but NO ONE is unchanged.
-Keep it simple.
  Sometimes it's enough to acknowledge that they need time, don't want to talk, or have taken out the garbage. If you pummel them with feelings, ideas, options, or demands, they're bound to be overwhelmed.
-Take a break and be there (actively).
  Sometimes they need time alone and sometimes you need time without them. Just don't STAY gone physically and/or emotionally. Having a strong support system will only help them. Remember reach out to them. Simply waiting for them may not work.

None of it is simple or easy, but its worth any price to understand and be able to LIVE again.

14 months -Shoes and Faces

Kids grow up. They don't speak English (which can be part of the perks to teaching your kid signs; which I didn't do). They are fairly adorable though as they start to do new things, ridiculous things, AND you as a parent start to feel a smidgeon more comfortable in your parenting abilities or at least figure out what kind of parent you are.

This picture is by no means exciting, but I love it. She was eating eggs all dressed up with her shoes.

She LOVES shoes just as much as mom!

Oddly enough, dressing Serenity is a rare occurance unless we're heading out somewhere specific.

Costco is GREAT for baby toys.

She was obsessed with this box. She climbed in it, around it, and over it.

She never quit figured out under it. ;)

Yes, this is the array of emotions that can pass through my child in about a minute when she wakes up. Amazed, happy, concerned, inquisitive, and yes, on occassion she even gets upset.

I was trying to get a milk beard, but she drank her green juice.

Eating cookies. She still loves food. It's amazing she's not fluffier.

Wearing her sunglasses like Dad.

Loving life.

AND THESE....

Are just to show what kind of a parent I am. =)

My cousin posted some pics similar to these of some random child and one of my aunts said they should use Serenity for their experiment. I was adamantly agains it one day....and then one day after work I figured 'Why not'? SO...I drew on some wicked eyebrows and a moustache because it seemed more dastardly.

PLUS, she didn't even notice and thought it was great fun. Sometimes not having eyebrows is a perk. =)

So yes, each day is still an adventure and being responsible for a tiny person is exhausting. I think too many people get caught up in being the kind of mom their neighbor, sister, grandma, or friend are that they forget that parenthood is a different experience for EVERYONE. Each parent is different. Each child is different. AND most assuredly, how you deal with being a parent will be unique to each family. Feel free to listen and read any advice you need, but remember that it's important for YOU to be happy so those around you can be happy too. -Why is it I feel like this is a rant? Oh, well.

Oh, and since I now have two siblings expecting their third kids and a sister-in-law/friend who just had her second, NO I am not getting on that bandwagon any time soon. One is certainly enough for me at this point in time, maybe I'll worry about it later when I'm good and ready to.

Here's to Happiness!

13 months - Food and Happiness

Serenity is growing! She pretty much runs around until she's tired, or trapped in the car. ;)

She's so sweet when she's sleeping. She even keeps her headband on.

I don't know what it is with children and anything with tomatoes in it, but one second they're perfectly clean and the next they look like they're dressed up in some crazy war paint. It can't be as simple as having it ONLY on the face though. It seems to go from the tip of their heads down to their toes.

Serenity loves this orange scarf of mine so I wrapped her up to look like Buddha.

The second picture is of a bunny her Great Grandma gave her. She loves it!

Here's what she got for Easter. A monster.

(Yes, I know it's a YoGabbaGabba, but only because someone pointed that out.)

She was more interested in the 'grass' most of the day. She'd take the grass out, put it all over the couch, and then try to put it back in her bucket either one single strand at a time or in clumps.

But just like real grass, she was not a fan of it being on her feet.

Chilling with dad eating lunch.

I'm lucky. Fielding will send me pics when I'm having a rough day or even randomly.

It makes the day seem a lot better and can be a great option for anyone working (mom or dad).

Okay, so there's talk that she took a couple of steps a few months ago,

but because I didn't see it, I refuse to believe it. ha!

BUT I did happen to catch her next few steps on a fluke on camera.

(I was trying to record her dancing.)

THIS is a favorite toy of her's though you can't see it well. It's a cat toy mouse.

Don't worry. I don't let the cats play with her cat toys. =)

She loves her food.

White Shells and Cheddar add peas and fruit for dessert.

I love Fishes 'cause they're so delicious! I don't know why she was SO excited for them, but she was.

Yes, she is uncommonly happy. This is what she looks like first thing in the morning.

I'm certainly not that perky.

Yes, she is already dancing up a storm whenever the mood strikes,

but that doesn't stop her from chasing the cats whenever she notices them.

 First time with chocolate milk. She seems to like strawberry milk better.

I love this picture of her.

She's just sitting next to me with her thumb in her mouth relaxing.

Ah, perfection.

(Mostly because she was sitting still and quietly. Something I appreciate.)